Food review: Vacherin

Restaurant: Coco500 (San Francisco)
Food description: Coffee gelato with swiss meringue, candied almonds, and chocolate sauce atop a crisp wafer
Food rating: 6 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

It's funny because this dish was the opposite of all the other dishes in terms of portion size. It was gigantic, even though desserts are supposed to be small. Coco500 has their portions all backwards and upside down. Needless to say, I had to split this with a friend, which is always great because if you don't like it, you just eat slower than the other person until they've unconsciously eaten most of it. Such was the case with the sickenly-sweet vacherin. The culprit was the massive pool of chocolate sauce drowning the gelato. There was so much of it and given how sweet it was, less would've more in this case. I'm just not a person who derives pleasure from being all jacked up on sugar and caffeine, so I prefer quality over quantity when it comes to desserts. Speaking of quality, the coffee gelato wasn't really that great compared to other gelato I've had. The coffee flavor wasn't pronounced enough and the texture was solid-as-a-rock, where I prefer gelato that's much softer and easier to eat. The swiss meringue got completely lost and wasn't really necessary. The candied almonds were delicious as long as they weren't drenched in too much chocolate sauce, and worked well with the coffee flavor. The gelato was on top of a little white wafer, which I didn't like the texture of at all. I guess it was meant to mimic a wafer cone, but It was too crumby, almost dusty, plus the almonds contributed enough texture to eliminate the need for this element. After eating about 1/4 of this dessert, it was really only a matter of time before it started to make me sick of it. The part that I did eat was good, you've just gotta be careful or you'll overdose on sugar.

Food review: Grilled flank steak

Restaurant: Coco500 (San Francisco)
Food description: Grilled marinated flank steak with fingerling potatoes and salsa verde
Food rating: 7 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Again with the small portions, sheesh! All their lunch entrees are tapas-sized, perfect for maybe a dieter, but surely not me. I'm a stickler for portion-size, particularly when it's leaning on the pricey side ($14). Less is not more, dammit, can any of you minimalist chefs hear me (echo...echo...)? Ok, I'm over myself, so let's discuss the steak. For flank steak, it was shockingly tender and gristle-free, so it was definitely primo-quality. And, though it was cooked much more than the medium rare I prefer for flank steak, it was still tender, but ended up a little dry around the edges. I'm a steak purist, so I like my steak a little marinated and slapped on the grill for that nice charbroiled flavor, no steak sauce, horseradish, no nuttin. This steak however, came topped with "salsa verde," as they called it--which was basically chimichurri sauce. I don't mind a little of this, but since it tended to be overly heavy on the garlic, it was a good call to serve it mostly on the side. Other than that, the actual flavor of the steak was great, a little leaner and less grilled than I prefer, but delicious overall. The fingerling potatoes were pretty boring and could've used some grilled onions or something to bring them to life, but they served their purpose as filler. If they cooked the steak correctly and put a little more effort into the sauce and potatoes, I'd have rated this dish much higher. And I'm sure I don't have to remind anyone about the portions!

Food review: Seared tombo tuna salad ("the catch")

Restaurant: Coco500 (San Francisco)
Food description: Seared Pacific tombo (albacore) tuna atop salad of organic baby spinach, sauteed mushrooms and butternut squash, ginger, and sesame seeds
Food rating: 8 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Of all the things I tried on the lunch menu, this salad was the absolute best by far. The other dishes were overpriced and just so-so, but this dish made Coco500 worth my while. My biggest complaint is that they're ridiculously stingy on the portions, especially given their prices. This particular salad would work fine maybe as a lunch appetizer, but not a main course (unless you order the vacherin for dessert). Regardless, this salad was the best I've had in a while and I highly recommend it, despite the minute portions. Since it was the catch of the day, I'm not even sure when they'll have it again--it should really be a regular menu item. Anyway, the tuna itself was extremely fresh, ultra tender, and seared perfectly, leaving it warm on the outside and cool on the inside. It really was at its peak freshness and was a great cut with a mild lean flavor. The spinach and tuna were dressed in a light marinade of sesame, ginger, and garlic, and worked well with the mushrooms and butternut squash. All the ingredients combined together in harmony without anything standing out more or less than another. The resulting flavor was buttery, mild, nutty, and meaty. The spinach was just barely sauteed so that when you chewed it, its texture would blend with the other ingredients, rather than being all raw and crunchy. I thought this was a rather nice detail because it's annoying when you're chewing something that's all smooth except for that one ingredient that takes longer to chew than everything else. It was the cherry on top of an already great salad, and made a joke out of the last seared tuna salad I'd had. Nicely done!

Food review: Tiger prawn salad

Restaurant: Coco500 (San Francisco)
Food description: Butter leaf salad with tiger prawns, jicama, kumquats, avocado, pickled jalapeno pepper, and citrus vinaigrette
Food rating: 5.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

To make a long story short, I could make this salad at home for 5 bucks. I accidentally ordered this salad because the menu description sucked. It read "prawns, butter leaf, jicama, kumquats, avocado, pickled jalapenos" and when I asked the waiter how the prawns were prepared, he said "sauteed". So I was assuming I'd be getting a hot sauteed prawn dish, not a salad. @#$&!!! If you still don't believe me that the descriptions stunk, there's another highly descriptive dish on the menu called "soup, " no description, just "soup, $6" (gotta love it). Anyway, I made the best out it (translation: I picked out all the prawns and avocado and left the rest) but then remembered how much it cost ($14!!) and went into sticker shock. Honestly people, there was nothing that stood out about this salad whatsoever. The prawns were cooked correctly and were tender and tasted fresh, not frozen. Other than that, they were basically no different than every other shrimp I've had. They weren't marinated aside from a little salt, and they seemed more steamed than sauteed. The salad would've been a million times better if the prawns were sauteed to a golden brown in some butter. The vinaigrette was boring and did nothing for the salad and the butter leaf was fresh, but were entire leaves that had to be cut up. I really dislike salads that force me to do extra work before I can eat it. That's what the chef is for. The avocados were ripe but didn't have much flavor, and I'm not sure if they really expected me to eat that giant jalapeno pepper or what. I don't like kumquats because they're usually too sour, as were these, but I liked the citrus that it brought to the table. I'd describe the overall flavor as light, fresh, citrus-y, and bland. It's something I'd be happy eating if I made it myself at home, but would never pay $14 for. At least throw in some scallops or lobster for god sakes! Unless you like mediocre food and blowing away money, do yourself a favor and don't order this salad. Do order the tombo tuna salad instead.

Food review: Fried oysters

Restaurant: Coco500 (San Francisco)
Food description: Fried pacific oysters with corneal breading served with remoulade sauce
Food rating: 7.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

To me, doing anything to an oyster that precludes it from being raw is sacrilege! To remind myself of this, I'll occasionally order a fried oyster or two, as was the case here. I was actually really impressed with the fried oysters at Coco500. However, the flavor was still slightly metallic, as with all fried oysters (which is why I like 'em raw), but they definitely redeemed fried oysters in my mind. The breading was so paper thin, you could see and taste the oyster in all its glory. Its sole purpose was to add some texture to contrast the plump succulence of the oyster. The oyster was artfully fried in a way that maintained its juiciness while being gently crisp on the outside--an aspect that can be rather difficult to achieve. I don't eat mayonnaise, so the remoulade sauce was a no-go, but a quick squeeze of lemon and a dash of salt was all that it needed to satisfy me. The rest of my party was so impressed that they immediately demanded another order from the waiter. I don't know why, because if you think about it--$10 for four fried no-name oysters ($2.50/piece)--ain't really worth it. Even the most premium raw oysters around cost less than this (and at least you know where they come from). So all in all, they were very good as far as fried oysters go, but can't touch don't come close to raw oysters in taste or value.