Calf's brains

Restaurant: Incanto (San Francisco)
Food description: Calf's brains with white chanterelle mushrooms, capers, and lemon
Food rating: 8.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Sorry if brains gross anyone out, but I think it's fun to get a little avant-garde with my cuisine. I had all these bad brain jokes lined up for this post, but then I remembered I actually want to keep my readers. So for those of you who never had brains, here's your chance to live vicariously through mine (I couldn't resist). I've been dying to try them for a while but was advised against it by a chef friend of mine cuz of all the mad cow nonsense, not to mention my organ of choice has typically been sweetbreads, which I thought would be hard to beat. But dowse anything in chanterelles & gravy and it's tough to go wrong, no? Anyway, after first cutting into a brain, the inside was white and soft like silken tofu--no muscle fibers to speak of. The texture was incredibly smooth and basically melted in your mouth the same way uni does. It's extremely fatty and rich like pâté, but milkier and only a tad livery. With the wonderful chanterelle gravy and a little lemon and capers to cut the heaviness, it turned out fantastic! I'm sure there's places where you should and shouldn't order brains, but Incanto can definitely be trusted with a tricky dish like this. I encourage all you squeamish ones to try it just once here. Just close your eyes and you won't be disappointed!

Food review: Baltimore crab fluffs

Restaurant: Maverick (San Francisco)
Food description: Fried lump Maryland blue crab cakes with tartar sauce
Food rating: 6 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Being from the east coast, I'm going to be a little hard on this dish because I've had Maryland blue crabs straight out of the Chesapeake and know how good they can be. That being said, I don't feel these crab cakes represented properly, but it was a good try. On the good side, there was a lot of crab meat and hardly any fillers. On the bad side, the meat was more shredded than lumpy. I was looking forward to some big old chunks of crab and instead got more of a crab mashup. That wasn't a huge deal though, it was actually the flavor that was the dealbreaker for me. The sad thing about blue claw crabs is if the meat is more than a day old, the flavor suffers and becomes more fishy than sweet. I noticed this immediately because I am used to eating whole blue crabs caught fresh that day, compared to crabcakes which are processed. I also thought that deep-frying the crab and serving it with tartar sauce was overkill on the heaviness. Perhaps something lemony instead could work better. Maybe I'm being too critical, but this dish not live up to my expectations and I know that Maverick can do better.

Food review: Sweet corn pudding

Restaurant: Maverick (San Francisco)
Food description: Sweet corn pudding with roasted red pimiento peppers over bed of baby lettuce and anchovy vinaigrette
Food rating: 8 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Corn pudding is one of those simple pleasures in life that Maverick really nailed. It's California cuisine, so the secret was in the super-sweet local corn. The corn was so good, I was immediately hooked and demanded a side of grilled corn-on-the-cob to accompany my entree. Not only was it sweet, but it was also decadently creamy. I liked that the sweetness came naturally from the corn instead of adding a ton of sugar. The chef tried to balance things out with an anchovy-dressed side salad, but I felt that it was fine by itself. I did like the addition of roasted red peppers. It helped give the dish a little character. The texture of the pudding was thick and held its shape, and neither pasty nor soggy. The corn was perfectly cooked--crisp and not chewy or mushy. As a side note, this is one of the few dishes that I refrained from adding salt to. It's a shame that I rarely see corn pudding on the menu at other restaurants.

Food review: Filet mignon beef carpaccio

Restaurant: Plouf (San Francisco)
Food description: Thin slices of rare filet mignon with black truffle vinaigrette, topped with baby arugula, shaved parmesan, and fried shallots
Food rating: 8 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Since Plouf's claim to fame is their mussels, I was skeptical about whether their other menu items would deliver. Luckily the beef carpaccio turned out to be a wise choice and had me longing for more. Texture-wise, it's tough to go wrong with filet mignon, as it barely required any chewing at all. It sorta just fell apart on its own as I barely nudged it with my fork. To help bring out the flavor of a typically flavor-lacking cut, a small stockpile of parmesan and fried shallots were there for the rescue. In my book, you can never have enough cheese, so the puny shavings of parmesan left something to be desired. The shallots, on the other hand, though small, were quite potent--not a biting potent--more like a mellow concentrated flavor. They also provided the "crunch" factor, which wouldn't have been as satisfying without it. The arugula was nutty as usual, but was slightly on its way out and didn't quite work together for me. It worked as a little side salad I guess. I love how the carpaccio wasn't drowning in olive oil, it was tastefully drizzled on top. One downside is that the beef was cut so razor thin that it didn't end up being very much food in the end, and certainly didn't last very long! But I guess that's a good thing, given the enormous pot of mussels that followed!

Food review: Fried oysters

Restaurant: Coco500 (San Francisco)
Food description: Fried pacific oysters with corneal breading served with remoulade sauce
Food rating: 7.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

To me, doing anything to an oyster that precludes it from being raw is sacrilege! To remind myself of this, I'll occasionally order a fried oyster or two, as was the case here. I was actually really impressed with the fried oysters at Coco500. However, the flavor was still slightly metallic, as with all fried oysters (which is why I like 'em raw), but they definitely redeemed fried oysters in my mind. The breading was so paper thin, you could see and taste the oyster in all its glory. Its sole purpose was to add some texture to contrast the plump succulence of the oyster. The oyster was artfully fried in a way that maintained its juiciness while being gently crisp on the outside--an aspect that can be rather difficult to achieve. I don't eat mayonnaise, so the remoulade sauce was a no-go, but a quick squeeze of lemon and a dash of salt was all that it needed to satisfy me. The rest of my party was so impressed that they immediately demanded another order from the waiter. I don't know why, because if you think about it--$10 for four fried no-name oysters ($2.50/piece)--ain't really worth it. Even the most premium raw oysters around cost less than this (and at least you know where they come from). So all in all, they were very good as far as fried oysters go, but can't touch don't come close to raw oysters in taste or value.

Food review: Duck and vegetable spring rolls

Restaurant: Home (Market St., San Francisco)
Food description: Duck and vegetable spring rolls with spicy chili dipping sauce
Food rating: 7 out of 10
Times ordered: 2

Since Home's macaroni and cheese steals the show, there's really no need to try any other appetizers, right? Well yes, except for these spring rolls, which are the the only other starter worth ordering, as far as I'm concerned. The rest of the food at Home just ain't all that, but I do fancy these spring rolls. The duck is subtle with lots of ginger and other good stuff to balance everything out--I'd dare say even a person who doesn't really like duck might actually like these. The skin is crisped to perfection, not too thick, and won't give your jaw a workout. It's obviously deep-fried, so when combined with the richness of the duck, it borders on being a tad heavy. Unless you're a freak and don't like fried food, this should not be a problem at all. I guess if you wanted, you could dip it into that sugary, wannabe-spicy, generic, effortless sauce. That wouldn't ruin it or anything, would it? So yes, the sauce was terrible, as expected from an American restaurant, and they must have known this already and took the liberty of providing me with an alternative grease-fighting option: fresh mint leaves, which really did the trick. So my friends, the lesson learned today is that there's actually more to Home than mac-and-cheese. What a concept!

Food review: Broccoli and cheese

Restaurant: Home (Market St., San Francisco)
Food description: Steamed broccoli with cheddar cheese sauce
Food rating: 6.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

So I don't know who out there is a big fan of broccoli with cheese sauce, but I sure am. My mom makes some sick cheese sauce and steams the broccoli just right. Home didn't quite live up to the "home" cookin' but it was pretty good. Most of the broccoli was al dente although a few pieces had the mush goin' on. The cheese, while creamy and smooth really wasn't cheddary enough. I mean it says CHEDDAR CHEESE SAUCE and I could barely tell it was cheddar. Also, the cheese sauce could have been thicker, it was in a slightly watery state. So as a side dish goes, I might order it again, but overall I've had better.

Food review: Macaroni and cheese

Restaurant: Home (Market St., San Francisco)
Food description: Macaroni with mozzarella, cheddar, and parmesan cheese topped with toasted breadcrumbs and minced scallions
Food rating: 8 out of 10
Times ordered: 10+

If I'm going to eat at Home, it's for one reason alone: their heavenly macaroni and cheese. Ok, they've got good brunch too, but when it comes to dinner, the mac and cheese is my main course, and I could care less about the other filler courses. This dish is decadently rich--made with three cheeses--so a little goes a long way (toward the gym). It's totally worth it though (hell, I've had it twice in the past two weeks), so remember this when you're ready to indulge. The cheese is the perfect consistency, not pasty nor watery, and tastes so rich and buttery you' have to eat it in shifts. It's not your everyday cheapo cheese, it's mild but has a slight sharpness to it, something I feel it could use a little more of. The ratio of cream is higher than the cheese, so it needed a dash of salt to bring out more of the cheese flavor. The macaroni is perfectly cooked and the breadcrumbs add a subtle texture to contrast the smoothness. The scallions add not only color, but are an essential part of completing the flavor of the dish. They add just enough character to balance out the richness without becoming too overwhelming. It's a gourmet rendition of a ghetto dish done right. After all, there's gotta be a reason for the flag hanging outside that reads "Best Macaroni and Cheese in SF."

Food review: Baked fromage d'Affinois

Restaurant: Foreign Cinema (San Francisco)
Food description: Baked fromage d'Affinois (French cheese), green olive tapenade, warm roasted potatoes, cornichons, and croutons
Food rating: 8 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

I hadn't heard of this particular type of cheese before, but I remembered reading in the Chronicle that this was one of Foreign Cinema's specialties, so I couldn't resist. It's usually not a great idea to have 1/4 lb of cheese as your brunch appetizer, but in this case, it ended up being the highlight of the meal and was worth the extra pounds. Who needs chefs when you can just pick out an amazing piece of cheese, toss it in the oven and voila! Brunch is served! The cheese was unique in that it had an aged flavor, but retained a soft and buttery texture. The flavor was mild, creamy, and extremely rich, in between a double- and triple-cream cheese, and had the right salt content. Due to a controversial method used to create this cheese, the rind was also softer and milder than brie, and blended better with the melted cheese inside. As rich and adequately salty as it was, I would've preferred a pairing of fruit to cleanse the palate over the salty olive tapenade and starchy potatoes. Much to my dismay, there were definitely not enough croutons to go around, only four, for that huge wedge of cheese. I tried to request more, but the server was nowhere in sight, so I was forced to eat it with the potatoes--otherwise the cheese would have gotten cold (we were sitting outside). So although I didn't get to totally enjoy the cheese in all its cheesy glory, it was really outstanding and will make it really tough for me to go back to what I once thought was good brie.

Food review: Garlic bread

Restaurant: Little Star Pizza (San Francisco)
Food description: Bread with butter and roasted garlic
Food rating: 4 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Okay seriously, I didn't know what to rate this dish. Look at the picture, is that what you picture when you think of garlic bread? It's certainly not what I envision, I picture yummy slices of crusty bread dripping with butter and garlic. I had heard the garlic bread at Little Star was really good so I was excited to order it and I was absolutely flabbergasted when this was delivered to our table. Oooookaaaaaaaay, I see all the components of good garlic bread, I see the bread, I see the butter, I see the garlic but ummm, shouldn't you be assembling this for me? This is a restaurant after all, is my pizza going to come in crust, topping, sauce and cheese parts for me to assemble too? Seriously, what the hell? Anyway, the bread was super delicious, really good and if some restaurant had given me this as my complimentary bread I would have been really happy, however this was supposed to be my garlic bread. The butter was whatever and thankfully it was at least soft enough to spread. The roasted garlic, where to start... I love garlic, and I especially love me some roasted garlic, when you roast garlic it really mellows the flavor and the garlic becomes super soft and deliciously spreadable. So I looked at the roasted garlic and thought, well all hope is not lost, even if I have to put this together it should still be tasty. Sadly, the garlic had not been roasted long enough and was not yet spreadable. So you're telling me you gave me a do-it-yourself garlic bread appetizer and you're not even going to give me ingredients I can work with? I'm sorry, this is not an episode of Top Chef, ok? I am not in an immunity challenge, I am not going to try to make this work. So even though the individual components of this dish were pretty good, I'm going to have you give you only a four.

Food review: Insalata caprese

Restaurant: Stelline (San Francisco)
Food description: Salad of fresh tomato, mozzarella, and basil drizzled with extra virgin olive oil
Food rating: 6.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 10+

If I'm at an Italian restaurant, you can bet money that I'm ordering a caprese salad. It's also really easy to make yourself at home (try using buffalo mozzarella and tomatoes from Whole Foods). Since it's such a simple recipe, a successful caprese salad really depends on the quality of its ingredients. That being said, the caprese at Stelline is often good, but sometimes not so good. I order it every time I go to Stelline, which is pretty frequent, being only a block away. This time the caprese was having one of its not-so-good moments, but I'd say the good times still outweigh the bad times. I realize tomatoes are out of season, so they were a little bland this time. At it's best, the tomatoes are usually ripe, red, and sweet. Now the mozzarella: I'm pretty sure they don't use buffalo mozzarella because it doesn't have that certain bite to it, which is a shame (plus that's the traditional recipe). It's typically above average--creamy, flavorful, and soft. This time though, it was really bland, and needed quite a bit of salt to get it going. The texture of the basil was slightly tough but nothing to complain about because it was very tasty. The olive oil was fine, but nothing really noticeable about it. So although this caprese is not really authentic and the kind I make at home is 10x better, I still think it's tasty enough to continue ordering again (though maybe I'll wait until spring this time).

Food review: Smoky mountain wings

Restaurant: Memphis Minnies (San Francisco)
Food description: Tangy smoked bbq wings
Food rating: 5.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

So I've been on an endless quest to find the best wings known to man, and figured I'd give the barbeque experts at Memphis Minnies a shot. Trust me, I've eaten a LOT of wings in my lifetime and these didn't come close to being my favorite. These wings couldn't decide whether they wanted to be sweet, spicy, or tangy, and quite frankly neither could I. The flavors kept pulling me in every direction, and at the end of the day, it wasn't all that enjoyable. The chicken itself was fresh and juicy, but there wasn't much flavor to it-all the flavor was on the outside skin. And since the chicken wasn't smoked the way that I'd hoped, I ended up doing what I do to all wings with soggy skin: picking it off. Very unfortunate indeed. Not to mention they were completely drenched with sauce. So all in all, I'd say nay to having these wings again.