Food review: Memphis sweet-smoked pork

Restaurant: Memphis Minnies (San Francisco)
Food description: Barbeque pork shoulder smoked for 14 hours, side of macaroni and cheese
Food rating: 7.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

Food review: Penne guillamo

Restaurant: Squat and Gobble (Fillmore St., San Francisco)
Food description: Penne with grilled chicken, sun dried tomatoes, onions, and artichokes in a pesto cream sauce topped with shaved parmesan and parsley
Food rating: 7 out of 10
Times ordered: 5

This dish is on my "Great Pasta Under $10" list. It's nothing gourmet, but it hits the spot when I'm in the mood for a simple pasta that's tasty but won't break the bank. This recipe normally includes chicken apple sausage and black olives, but the dish is better off without them. Same with the artichokes (as much as I luv 'em), they over tang-ify the dish when combined with the sun dried tomatoes. I know I've completely butchered the chef's original vision, but it's ok, because I doubt the chef had much of a vision anyway (it's a sidewalk cafe). So the best part of this pasta is the pesto cream sauce. I'm sensitive to garlic, and though it's pretty heavy on the garlic, it's done in a way that enhances, not overpowers. The cream helps mellow out the garlic, and it's not so much cream that you can't get out of your chair afterwards. The sun dried tomatoes add the citrus element that cuts the heaviness of the sauce, and the onions are subtle
and tender. As far as the chicken goes, it's usually pretty good, but sometimes can be bland. This time it was great: fresh off the grill, tender, and marinated nicely. By the way, it's a huge portion (enough for dinner), so be prepared if you're ordering this for lunch because you'll be tempted to eat it all (but trust me, you won't). I haven't tried any of their other pastas, but probably would after my positive experience with this dish. It's a straightforward pasta that's a great alternative to people like me who are sick of having burgers, burritos, and pizza.

Food review: Cheese steak

Restaurant: Metro Caffe (San Francisco)
Food description: Thinly sliced beef chopped up and topped with American cheese, grilled onions, and hot peppers, served on a long roll
Food rating: 6.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 7

Being from Philly, the cheese steaks at Metro Caffe have some work to do before I'd consider it a "Philly" cheese steak, but not bad for San Francisco. I come here occasionally since it's local, but if I want a Philly cheese steak, I'll trek to Cheese Steak Shop for the real deal. Metro Caffe's version has some issues. First, the meat has some hard chewy tendony things in it, which are gross and could be solved by using better meat. Sometimes they use way too much black pepper, so the meat gets too spicy. There's also never enough cheese on it, so I have to order extra cheese. The roll is too soft and should be crustier, and there's too much roll compared to the amount of meat they put inside. If you don't mind those things, the actual flavor is decent overall, but very heavy. The bottom line is if you're in the mood for a cheese steak, but can't get to Cheese Steak Shop for whatever reason, this place is an acceptable alternative.

Food review: Caesar salad

Restaurant: Squat and Gobble (Fillmore St., San Francisco)
Food description: Romaine lettuce hearts with shaved parmesan, herbed croutons, and caesar dressing
Food rating: 6.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 2

I'm not that much of a salad person except when it comes to caesar salads. I can't help it, I just crave them constantly, which also makes me a real stickler. The caesar salad at Squat and Gobble (my regular brunch spot) was definitely below par. I've had it with chicken too, but that didn't help. The good thing about the salad was the lettuce was very fresh and crispy, no wilted or brown leaves, which I hate. The dressing was decent, not overly garlicky, but there wasn't enough of it and it was a little thin. The recipe didn't include anchovies, which was very unfortunate since it's a key ingredient to anything I consider a real caesar salad. The croutons were ok, homemade I think, but too small, too sparse, and too bland. The shredded parmesan was tasty, but again, not enough of it. Overall, for a caesar salad in this price range, I'd prefer the one at Harvest and Rowe.

Food review: Eggs benedict

Restaurant: Squat and Gobble (Fillmore St., San Francisco)
Food description: Poached eggs atop Canadian bacon and English muffin topped with Hollandaise sauce, side of rosemary home fries
Food rating: 7.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 10+

I like the eggs benedict at Squat and Gobble. The sauce is not to sweet, the canadian bacon is cooked correctly and the english muffin is not too hard or too soft - perfectly toasted. The eggs themselves are usually done just right, but sometimes they have that slightly runny white issue in the middle, which is a sign of an imperfect poaching. Also the rosemeary potatoes have come a long way since I first started going here, they used to SUCK. Now they are pretty good, somewhere along the way they changed the recipe and made the slices thinner and cooked them crispier. Oh they also got a fresh OJ machine, which has made OJ something I order every breakfast I eat there -- very tasty.

Food review: Cheese burger

Restaurant: Burgermeister (Church St, San Francisco)
Food description: Grilled burger with cheddar and avocado, side of curly fries
Food rating: 8 out of 10
Times ordered: 10+

Burgermeister has built up quite the reputation for having the ultimate burger, so I've been putting them to the test over the past year (I just happen to live nearby). The verdict? Great, but definitely not the best I've had. The best part about their burgers is the meat: high quality primo Niman Ranch beef. They use the good parts so you'll never bite down on any mysterious crunchy things, and the texture actually resembles meat, not sponge. Because of this, their burgers are somewhat leaner, so a medium or medium-well is going to turn out way too dry for most people. If you get that part down, you'll never have a bad burger at Burgermeister (they're very consistent). The bun is nice and squishy, not too bready and the toppings are nice and fresh and plentiful. Sometimes I think the burgers are over grilled, meaning too burnt-tasting, but that's probably just me. Also, if you're picky about bacon being crunchy (like me), you won't like it here, thought it's still tasty. Oh, and make sure to substitute the fries for curly fries. They're positively addictive!

Food review: Buffalo wings

Restaurant: Burgermeister (Church St, San Francisco)
Food description: Tangy spicy buffalo-style chicken wings
Food rating: 5 out of 10
Times ordered: 10+

I have to admit, these wings are not very good at all. I think I've even gotten food poisoning from them once. Why have I ordered them so many times, you ask? Well being from the east coast, a girl's gotta have her buffalo wings regularly, and these were the closest I could find (near my house at least). I've come to the conclusion that San Francisco doesn't have a clue what real buffalo wings are supposed to be. This puts me in desparate situations where I have to settle for mediocrity and eat wings at Burgermeister cuz at least they've got the sauce kinda close. What I hate about their wings is that they taste old, they're way over-fried and dried out, and some wings don't look like wings at all. But on Mondays they're half price (like $3 for a dozen), so it ends up being 3 bucks well spent.

Food review: Smoky mountain wings

Restaurant: Memphis Minnies (San Francisco)
Food description: Tangy smoked bbq wings
Food rating: 5.5 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

So I've been on an endless quest to find the best wings known to man, and figured I'd give the barbeque experts at Memphis Minnies a shot. Trust me, I've eaten a LOT of wings in my lifetime and these didn't come close to being my favorite. These wings couldn't decide whether they wanted to be sweet, spicy, or tangy, and quite frankly neither could I. The flavors kept pulling me in every direction, and at the end of the day, it wasn't all that enjoyable. The chicken itself was fresh and juicy, but there wasn't much flavor to it-all the flavor was on the outside skin. And since the chicken wasn't smoked the way that I'd hoped, I ended up doing what I do to all wings with soggy skin: picking it off. Very unfortunate indeed. Not to mention they were completely drenched with sauce. So all in all, I'd say nay to having these wings again.

Food review: Smoked cajun andouille sausage

Restaurant: Memphis Minnies (San Francisco)
Food description: Spicy smoked barbeque pork andouille sausage
Food rating: 6 out of 10
Times ordered: 1

You've gotta be really into sausage to eat this much sausage by itself--which I'm not--but I wanted to try something other than the same old pork ribs and beef brisket that I always get at Memphis Minnies. It was definitely way too much sausage, especially given how greasy it was. There was a little puddle of orange grease that was left after I squeezed it out of the sausage before I could eat it. Yes, I'm also one of those people who blot their pizza with a napkin. I can handle some grease, but not when it's the only thing you taste. Such was the case with this sausage. It tasted like spicy barbequed fat, and that's about it. Like I said before, I don't think it was meant to be consumed this way and prefer it mixed into something like an omelette or jambalaya. So that being said, I will not be ordering this again (the mac-and-cheese was good though).